big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Your penis caused this!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
