She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
