i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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