two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
handjob tips. give me some.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
