Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
