the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
