wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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