I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
