Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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