tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
