He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize