i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
