Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
