Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
