Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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