Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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