You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are we still banned from the library?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
