in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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