5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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