I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
