I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize