Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Randomize
