His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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