Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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