I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
