Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come share oat with me in your robe
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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