What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
4 words: hood of his car
The best revenge is premature balding
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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