burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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