dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
