Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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