I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The feeling are messing with the penis
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
