I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Someone signed my nipple.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
