is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
