just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If that was your dad, he is hot
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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