Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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