But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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