Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
