Pregnant stripper...not hot.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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