Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
