): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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