Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
