my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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