I'm gonna have a badass scar
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
