How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
