Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
