So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
