you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
