Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
