At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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