I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
