Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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