did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
