i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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