my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
