everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
