you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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