The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
