I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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