He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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