apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
