Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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